Is there a certain man that your girlfriend interacts with almost all the time, but every time you ask her about him, she assures you that he is ‘just a friend’? The guy calls her often, they text each other, share secrets, they are friends on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter … among other social media platforms.
There are some people who believe that women and men cannot be ‘just friends,’ that at least in the long run someone will develop ‘something’ for the other. However, there are other people who actually believe in platonic relationships with the opposite sex. So, how do you know if indeed that guy is just a friend of your girlfriend.
- How did she respond when you asked about him?
Did she act defensive or call you jealous? If she thought you were jealous, did she try to make you feel safe and secure about the situation or did she get upset with you? If she holds strong, you should reconsider why she finds this guy so important. You need to find out if perhaps he’s more important to her than you are, and based on how long you’ve been dating, why you haven’t heard of him before.
2. Have you met him?
If you’ve never met the guy, he may not be all that important to her. She may also be afraid of you meeting him. Many of her real guy friends will be there at parties or other social gatherings—they’ll shake your hand and may even have a date or girlfriend. If she talks to him everyday but you’ve never met him, you have the right to wonder why.
Even if you have met him, that doesn’t mean you can always trust him of course. A lot of guys want nothing but a chance to sleep with your girlfriend and your girlfriend will probably not see it as so.
However, it’s not possible that you know all of her male friends, as it’s not possible for her to know all of your female friends. Just because you haven’t met them, doesn’t mean anything bad, but if you have met them, you should worry a lot less than you are.
3. Why does she talk to him?
Usually there’s a reason why they’ve been friends so long. Sometimes girls like guys because they’re less dramatic to deal with. Perhaps, the male friend may have been around for important things that no one else was, such as family deaths or other traumatic events.
Essentially, you should find out: what is her motive? Is he dating one of her friends? Is he just there to boost her self-esteem by giving her attention?
4. Did she tell you, or did you find out yourself?
How did you find out she was close to this guy? Did she casually respond to you with, “Oh that’s where James used to work,” or did you see his name on her phone one day? Did his name randomly come up in a funny story? If you’ve been dating for a while and he hasn’t come up in conversation by now, but she still texts him daily, is there a reason?
5. Is he a new or old friend?
Was he there for her throughout high school or campus, or is this someone who she has just become friends with? I’ve heard too many friends tell me that their girlfriend says the guys that approach them in the club just want to become new friends. People go to the bar or club to get laid—don’t let your girlfriend underplay it.
6. Does she delete the texts?
Some people delete text messages to keep things organized. However, does she only deleted texts from him? Does she delete them at all? I’m not saying to go through her phone, searching like an untrustworthy, creeper boyfriend, but you will notice it next time you’re texting from her phone. Was his name there or not?
If I were to define a guy friend from a text message perspective, it would be someone who texts your girlfriend and she doesn’t care if you see his name or texts. If she’s busy with some task and tells you to read her guy friend’s text message out loud to her and type the response, I think it’s reasonably safe to say you’re worrying too much!
7. Do they text when you’re around?
This goes along with “have you met him?” It may be strange if they don’t talk when you’re around. They may have prearranged to not text each other during specific times. This reminds me of a girl (who’s in a relationship) who texts her ex specifically during the time her boyfriend is at work (7 a.m. to 4:30 p.m.). While she hasn’t cheated on her boyfriend yet, she will text her ex during the Monday to Friday work hours and then delete text messages before her boyfriend comes home from work.
8. Is he part of her friend circle?
If there’s one type of guy that I can safely safe you’re worrying too much about, it’s the guys that are in her friend circle. The guys who you’ve obviously met if you’ve been dating for anything longer than 2 months. These are the guys who make fun and laugh at her when they tell an old funny story. Besides, in many cases, all the guys in her friend circle are usually there because all of their girlfriends are friends. So calm down.
Bonus: 2 Questions About Her
At the end of the day, even if they’re not friends and he is just trying to sleep with her, here are 2 questions to make you feel better.
9. Is she really the type of person to risk it?
The type of people to cheat are low class and in most cases than not, they are young. People looking to get married are generally pretty serious, unlike those in high school who aren’t really taking their relationship seriously. That’s not to say old people don’t cheat, however. Ask yourself, is holding a long term relationship important to her at this point in her life, or does she come from a classy family who would have a positive influence on her?
10. What kind of influence do her friends have on her?
Are her friends in long-term relationships, or are they single? If the friends she hangs out with usually are in serious relationships, you don’t have too much to worry about.
In the end, no relationship is the same and it’s up to you to make your own judgments. If your girlfriend cares about you enough, she’ll care about your comfort, make you feel secure about the whole guy-friend situation and make you feel like you have nothing to worry about. She has to be the one who makes the decision and make you feel right. Everything’s a compromise. If it makes you feel insecure, let her know and tell her to please stop.