Kampala was hot today.
But I’m not the fainting type. I drink tea, I over drink it to be honest. So fainting, I’ve learned, is a rarity for tea drinkers. Even sleep is labour; Sleep twists my arm behind my back till I tap out. How can I faint? A FIFA president does not faint; it goes against the very mission of the federation.
So Kampala is hot. A hot day in Kampala summons all tricks my faculty can afford on how not to be hungrier than usual. Bingo! I will only spend so much on my gastro deficiencies. Here is a detailed report on my daily attempt to outwit hunger as an employee living and working in Kampala.
Plan A
Three cups of tea (Citizens of former British colonies ought to abide by this norm or risk Imperial action from the Old Lady). Four tosses of honeyed bread before I left the house this morning. Another four tosses locked away in my lunch box, just in case; hunger has perfect the art of surprise but forewarned, forearmed.
Plan B
Drink tea like it is an Olympic discipline; beat the drinking record set by whales while at it. Throw in random grab like flutes (how in pronounce fruits). Munch binyeebwa or bagiya or daddies (we all know what those; let’s not be fancy).
Last plan
Go home. Pick up your rolex from Sande and insist on two chapattis, three eggs and the veggie fillings you can get. Add leftover kedo from last night and you’re set. That is called legit rolex. Remember, rolex is 3 eggs, 2 chappuz. Anything short of that is a Rolex Mini and that cannot be supper. Enjoy over old series like Prison Break oba 24. Sleep does not matter, you’ll pass out automatically.
Glossary
FIFA –Federation of Impeccable Fainting Avengers
Sande –acclaimed rolex maker.
Kedo-Avocado
Chappuz- Chappats
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