Once in a while you’ll hear a woman say, ‘’I am in love with my husband/boyfriend most of the time, but, I am in relationship with him all of the time.’’ At first, it might not make sense, but if you give it a second thought, it does actually.
Being in love and being in a relationship ARE two different things: They can co-exist with the same person but they can also be mutually exclusive.
Think about it; being in love is a feeling. It is awesome to be specific, all warm, and squishy and sigh producing.
Of course the feeling varies from person to person, but from the many testimonies I have listened to, especially from my girl friends, it’s something that almost goes like this;
You get to see him, and all of a sudden you find yourself wanting to see him more, and you’re not entirely too sure why. Just something about him makes you smile. You talk to him as much as you can. Or you at least try to.
But to be honest sometimes you find yourself at a loss for words. It’s because he’s too charming; you literally lose every thought in your mind. The only words you’re thinking are “wow…this guy…” and you WANT to tell him. But you know it’s not the right time, and you’re worried you’ll just scare him off.
He’s on your mind all the time. You talk to him more and more as time passes by, days, weeks, months. However long it takes … you find your days strange if you don’t talk to him. Everything from “gosh I wish I can see him again… to I can’t get over how cute his eyes are…I see them every time I close mine…” Then next thing you know you’re with him and your heart starts racing as you begin to get shaky. You don’t want him to see your hand trembling.
One day when you are with your friends, he walks up to you, gently holds your hand or whispers something in your ear, in front of everyone. Your friends are literally envying you in their heads, but you can see it in their eyes.
And then you look into his eyes just to see if he’s just as nervous as you are…..and at that point it’s fair to say you’ve fallen for a guy. Maybe not totally gone off the ledge, fallen in love. Annoying thing is; these feelings end most of the times. They may start back up again, they may not. They may go dormant, they may cease all together.
Keep in mind though; that love, lust and infatuation may seem as one thing to some people, especially those who cannot tell the difference. If it is lust or infatuation you can be sure that those feelings will not only go, they will disappear; as if they never were there.
Have you ever met someone that you once thought you loved but when you see them you ask yourself if you were blind or in a comma the whole time? Most times lust is dependent upon mood, emotions, and hormones (ladies).
On the other hand, even though being in love feels so delicious, it is being in relationship that is going to see you through. Relationship is bred, nurtured and grown over time. It becomes the bedrock for success. It is so much harder to shake than feelings. There is more to lose because of what’s been invested.
For most married couples, even in the low points of their marriage there is still relationship. There is that common denominator of “we’ll get through this” because they have come to understand what it means to actually love someone.
A point in time reaches when the imperfections of your spouse don’t shake you at all, because you know and understand that it is just a small pixel of a bigger picture. Long story short, it’s just…more. It’s something that translates into determination to do right by the other person. It’s love without the “being in”.
That is why you see, even at the end of a really shitty week or when they are old and wrinkly, there is relationship. They know that what they have is lasting. It is active. It is real.
Anyone one can give up, it is the easiest thing to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that is a strong relationship!
If you come across two people that have been through thick and thin, clean and dirty, they don’t get butterflies when they see each other and sometimes they don’t even smile when they look at each, but they are still together; don’t start thinking that may be one of the two was bewitched; they have simply invested too much in their relationship that they just can’t let go.