We used to think (some of us still do) that falling into bed with someone too soon would disqualify you from being considered girlfriend material. But welcome to 2014, when the world is a lot less sexist than it used to be.
“In this day and age, more people recognize sex as an important component of a successful relationship, not something to be ashamed of,” says Justin Lehmiller, PhD, a social psychologist at Harvard who studies relationships and sexuality. “For those people, it’s important to establish sexual compatibility early on, and having sex on the first date may be the right move for them.”
The point is that hard-and-fast dating rules (like “No sex till date three”) and old-fashioned expressions like “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” are outdated and harmful because they produce all this unnecessary anxiety and shame about something normal and natural: dating and sex.
Ultimately, getting naked with some dude you’ve known for only 2.5 hours may not be your thing, and that’s fine too.
You go on a date. It’s fun. You hook up…and then he loses interest. Why did this happen? Who knows- maybe he didn’t feel a spark, maybe he’s too picky, maybe he’s commitment phobic (I love how we can play around with English words.)
Either way, one question always remains: whether you “gave it up” too soon. So how soon is too soon to sleep with a guy you like?
If the moment feels right, and there’s chemistry, why not sleep together?
A male friend of mine who prefers to remain anonymous said, “That’s an urban myth. If you wanna spend the night spend the night. It makes no difference to us. If I like you, I will still like you whether you slept over on the first date or the 30th”
So does this statement give ladies an insight on how soon “soon” is .. I’m not saying that you should hook up on the first date. But if there is a chance that the first date can find you love, would you take it?
Remember there are a million reasons why you should not give it up easy eg, if you have religious or moral reasons, if you think the guy’s acting sketchy, if he only whatsapps “Where are you? Are you home- can i come over?”
According to the Cosmopolitan, the roots of this double-standard go back to the twisted mind-set that a guy who sleeps around is a stud and a woman who sleeps around is a slut.
“If you know that sleeping with someone won’t bring out your best or will make you needy, it’s a good idea to wait,” says Andrea Syrtash n author of various dating books. “However, don’t wait because you think the guy will lose respect or interest. Wait because of how it will affect you. It’s really not about him. Guys who are interested in you will still call and pursue you after they’ve seen you naked.”
According to FamilyInequality, Everyone tells you that if you sleep with a guy on the first date, he is less likely to call back. The theory is that giving sex away at such a low “price” lowers the man’s opinion of you, because everyone thinks “sluts” are disgusting.
So one is left to wonder… how soon is too soon for hanky panky?