We all want a partner who is ‘badass’ in bed. Knows where to touch. Kiss. lick. Insert. Says the right things when needed and just makes sex absolutely exceptional.
But, on the other hand, no one wants to be ‘the partner’ that doesn’t satisfy. You don’t want to be the ‘green’ one. Ah ah.
Usually, if your ‘bed skills’ are lacking, some partners might refrain from hurting your ego, so they choose to compromise and bear with what you have to offer. Once in a while, they might throw in flattering compliments or even fake orgasms, just to make you feel good. But in actual sense … uuhm, you are terrible. Now if the devil is not yet done with you, it might put ideas into your partner to scatter and go look for greener pastures. But we don’t want that to happen, do we?
Luckily, the grass is greener where it’s watered; so let us point out the things you might have been doing (subconsciously), that you shouldn’t be.
You skip foreplay ALL. THE. TIME! Look, I love quickies. Sometimes you can agree that you’ll have a hot quickie for say … about 36 seconds? I get it. You might not get time to follow the ‘standard’ protocols. Just grab her, pin her on the wall and bang. But sometimes you have time. An hour … two. Or maybe you are spending the night together. Maybe you stay together. Do some foreplay. Warm her up – physically and mentally. Get her in the mood. Build up the anticipation. In the end, you’ll be glad you did. Remember, communication is ‘key’ during foreplay. Ask her what she likes, how she likes it and do your best. Ladies, you also need to warm up your man. (It’s a two way kind of thing).
You are selfish. During sex, all you care about is cumming, not how your partner is doing. You don’t know if she is enjoying or not. You don’t know if she wants more or not. All you care about is yourself. Stop. Remember how earlier I said communication is key? Yes, you need to check on your partner. Pay attention to body language, ask if she likes what you’re doing, focus on her enjoyment as well. See, if you are aiming at giving your partner the best experience, and in turn she is pleasuring you the best way she can, you’ll both have a great time. The pleasure should be mutual; but don’t be too orgasm-focused or pressure your partner to finish. This can make them self-conscious and uncomfortable.
You lack confidence. Let your insecurities go into hibernation for a while. From body size/shape to expertise, get out of your head! If you need to cover up that tummy or those butt dimples, get some sexy lingerie that will do the magic. You don’t know which new styles to try? Read legit sex guides and discuss the options with your partner to see what will work for you. If you feel you are not fit, how about some exercise? Confidence is sexy. And if it makes you feel better, we all have our insecurities. The difference is – we don’t let them get in the way (however intense they are).
You are dirty. Shower; use a deodorant if you have to. Trim those nails (especially if you like fingering). Shave your private ‘chambers’ if you have to. Smell good, taste good (read about the foods that will do magic in regards to this). If you love getting head or he wants to go down on you(ladies), ensure that you clean.
You compare your ex with your current partner. Whether it’s before, during, after sex or any other time, never talk about how your ex used to do this and that. They are dead and gone, literally. So shut up and … why are you even thinking about your ex?
You let them do all the work. This goes to us ladies mostly. Learn to initiate, GOD has blessed us with default sex appeal. Yes, we all have it within ourselves. Exploit it and seduce him once in a while. When he has been pumping for 20 minutes, help out. Get on top, ride him a little. Don’t make sex feel like a job for your partner.
You disappear after it’s done. Mentally or even physically. I know you need to clean up when the party is over, but really, don’t run right to the loo the second the romping is done. For one thing, it’s essentially sending your man the message that you think you two just did something sort of gross. For another, some people actually like that intimate cuddle time, so “getting up immediately and running to the bathroom maybe a big fake move.” And ladies don’t take offense if he drifts off to sleep … usually that’s just a sign he’s super-satisfied. (Read about how their bodies are wired).
Lastly this is my personal piece of advice. F*** porn! Yes, you have probably picked ideas/styles from it, but don’t judge your performance based on those scripted ‘acts’. Porn is a dark business.
The levels of enthusiasm and interest are just acting. The participants are professional actors and actresses. They are paid to do those things/pretend to do those things/pretend to enjoy doing those things. Duration is falsified. Frequency is falsified. Viagra, Cialis, among other incentives are used, as needed. Do you know that sometimes they use mixtures of corn and chemicals, which looks like semen, to show men ejaculating? The activities, positions are chosen based on what is perceived to sell, not based on the interests of the participants.
Postures are chosen not for pleasure but for visual impact. The element of risk (STD/STI, pregnancy) is completely ignored. Beside this, the video/clip is finally made after lots of editing, lots of camera shots in different angles, lots of use of computer software so that it looks true. Simply put, they’ll show you whatever they think will make you come back and buy more.
So unless you are not doing it for money, fame or ratings, when you and your boo decide to have a good time, enjoy each other’s company. Learn to communicate. And, you should be communicating about what you like/want just as much about what isn’t working, or what you are worried may not be working. You’ll be surprised at how … whether tiny or big ‘issues’, can be remedied through communication.