In all games, time wins. Time erodes the hardest rocks, dulls the sharpest knives and exhausts the brightest lights. So what can we do to keep the flame of desire alive in a relationship that’s engaged in the constant battle against time?
Happily, there’s a vast amount that’s within our power to achieve and we have no great challenges in doing so. We don’t need to last forever, after all!
A lot of people have spoken to me about desire and we’ve discussed what it could be and where it comes from. One person put it in a way that stuck in my mind: ‘If you really love someone, you should lust after them. You should desire them so greatly that you want to devour every inch of them sexually.’
There are a few reasons I like this. The main one is that it acknowledges that sexual desire in a long-term relationship is not the immediate attraction that you feel on a night out in Kabalagala. It’s a product of the relationship itself.
Believe it or not, many women I’ve spoken to and asked what made them last initiate sex in their relationship answered with something completely unrelated, most commonly that their partner unexpectedly helped with the housework or treated them to something nice.
They felt valued and found that attractive. They acted on their attraction. It’s the same for men and women. There is no difference. If you put the work into the relationship outside of the bedroom, the bed will be creaking under the strain.
There are numerous things that can be tried in the bedroom as well. Popular favourites include roleplay, where you can pretend to be in weird and wonderful situations to live out one another’s fantasies.
You can buy costumes if you like – we all find it hard to resist a person in uniform! Roleplay is an easy, low-cost way of exploring something new, and that’s the key: variety.
New things can become overwhelming if you try too many too quickly, but introducing something that breaks the previous mould can open up new doors that people haven’t even noticed themselves before.[related_posts]
We could cover this topic at length, great length indeed, and in a way that’s the mission of these articles in their entirety.
We aim to provide you with a vast body of knowledge and expose you to new things that you can try and enjoy that can introduce variety and keep the flame alive for as long as you can stoke the embers.
Enjoy, and stay safe!