Marriage is one of the biggest steps in a person’s life. But that doesn’t mean it can always be the wisest. You’ve just gotten engaged or are going to get engaged and all the excitement in the air is just getting to you. Relax! Sit down, grab a glass of water and ask yourself some questions that only your honest soul can answer.
1. Are you being pressurized into this?
Social pressure and the fantasy of a beautiful lavish wedding are some reasons you want to get married. Admit it! The excitement gets to you, doesn’t it? Or is it just that annoying aunt who can’t live (or die) in peace without seeing your significant other?
Some people see it as the next logical step after they have been in a relationship for a long time or have witnessed the wedding of a sibling or close friend. Ask yourself why you really need to be married, just to be sure you’re not fooling yourself.
2. How well do you know yourself?
Finding the right person is one thing, but are you the right person? If you are convinced that he’s too good for you, better back out now before your self confidence seeps through the floor. He’s lucky to have you, just as you are to have him.
3. You have been together for more than 3 years, what next?
What do you want together? Kids, family planning, adapting to each others lifestyles are just some of the answers you might be thinking of. As a couple, do your answers clash? Taking a break from it all can be an effective temporary solution.
4. What is the sex like?
No need to be a prude and no need to be overly graphic! You’re asking yourself this question to know if bedtime in your wedded bliss is truly any bliss at all. Sex is at it’s best in the early stages of marriage and tends to die out the more you stick to your comfort zone. Get naughty and adventurous if you want to keep the heat in the bedroom alive after you exchange vows!
Although sex may not be a deal breaker for some couples, you should be alright with it when it begins to crumble.
5. Living with in-laws
In most cultures, it is believed that when you decide to join a marriage, not only are you marrying him, you are marrying his parents (and in some cases his aunts, uncles and siblings). Are you willing to take responsibility for everyone?
Living with the in-laws requires patience as their values may be different from yours. Watch the movie Monster-in-law, it makes you realise that men have it easy in the marriage equation.
6. Is he/she willing to accept you for who you are?
We are all unique in our own ways and sometimes they are unacceptable to others. Is your fiancee willing to overlook your flaws unconditionally or does he/she want you to change your personality so that you may be the perfect soul mate he/she wishes to get married to?
7. How bad are your fights?
Are your arguments and quarrels ended with peaceful and constructive solutions? If not, they will only get worse after the wedding. You wouldn’t want to spend your honeymoon in two opposite ends of the room.
8. Are you willing to put him/her before yourself?
Marriage means the kingpin of your world is not just yours anymore. You have to share it with him/her and his/her immediate family.
Being able to sacrifice for others is probably the hardest thing in this world. Not being able to is not such a bad thing, because it gives you an opportunity to rethink your decision to marry and strengthen your love.
9. You said yes. Wishing you thought it through first?
Don’t worry about insecurities that are in your head, this always happens when you get married. Pre-wedding nervousness make you say “Oh my God.. Am actually doing this?” but if your only thought is “this doesn’t feel right”, it’s probably the best to raise the white flag before sh*t gets serious.
10. Will he/she support your dreams?
Marriage is not a union of suppressing one’s freedom and surely it’s not the end of your aspirations. If this is not what your man or woman thinks, perhaps your dreams matter more. Go get that PhD you always wanted or travel the world!