Dearest Muhanga, beloved Honourable and mother of I don’t know how many.
By the Way You’re Pretty Cute
Let me gloat freely for once. It’s maturity and not youth that tickles my fancy, so your daughters are safe. For you, I’d throw my meagre sense of taste in the trash. Why? Simple. Onsuza ntunula. Somehow you’ve defied your years slightly.
Those beady eyes cause movement in my shorts, like snakelings emerging from eggs (you know what eggs I’m talking about). Who says young men can’t crush on you? We the jobless fratenity of UG are idle. My very conservative self would let you do with me, what the Nigerian did with Luzinda barring the taping. The oldies are my cup of tea and I’d like to exercise my urges while you exorcise your demons.
Bail Us Out
First, I speak for myself, my bank records tell it all. It is not handouts I want but bailouts; for me and my descendants. If that’s asking too much, go right ahead and adopt me. All I ask is to be added to your family tree. I’m not greedy make me a leaf not a branch and I’ll be sorted.
Talk of your King Solomon-esque farm made it to my desk. So take me on, under your wing. Because I know what you did with UBC land. Give my mother a kitten and she will let you have me and throw in a daughter for good measure. Sifaayo, I’ll sleep with the hens. I could get used to their swedish massage routine; I’m good to go.
Now back to these other Ugandans. Don MC’s zombie career is back to haunt us, thanks to your antics. Serene Suites, Sojovalo Hotel and Maama Nanziri’s woteeri need bail out, especially Serene and Sojo, Maama Nanziri can wait.
Goats for Acres
Okikola otya naye? That is extreme innovations perfected; multi billion livestock sounds like a case for Dr. Walter Bishop. Because I wonder how these deals really work, barter trade? What breed do you keep? Honestly, questions will forever infest our minds and answers have never been plenty in this land.
It would safe to say, you’re the best. Gwe asinga mu kintu kino. I’m no authority on showing a fat cat how to splash her dime. I am only grateful. Thank you. You have not ventured into nsenene keeping, for that thank you. How would we afford them if you did?
The UBC probe has established your potential. Greece will grass no more, now that you have arrived. Wenger can finally buy some players and Manchester United will certainly meet Pogba’s price. Mukajanga is no more but we’ll raid Bukalango and intercede for a new cancer machine. Yes we can. Muhanga can.