A friend of mine recently asked if it was possible to have a world with no divorce, where people who promised each other forever in front of friends, family and God and that only death would part them could hold on till then.
A Nigerian bride dancing at a traditional marriage ceremony
I believe everyone enters marriage planning to make it work no matter what and stick it out till the end but things don’t always work out. And it is not because you haven’t tried hard enough or haven’t done enough to keep your loved ones.
Some say that marriage is hard, well it ought to be. After all these are two people with differing characters and personalities coming together and this makes it hard to navigate the matrimonial waters.
Most of us want marriage and we want forever with our spouses. Maybe if we knew the reasons why marriages do not work out, then we could avoid them or prepare how to overcome them. Then we could have our happily ever after.
After some research, I found out that these are some of the reasons why marriages fail.
- Having different values; you are not supposed to think the same but if you differ on the core values then you are headed to a rocky path. If one of you values their job more than your relationship or if you can’t agree on having children or not, then that complicates things. It is best to discuss such matters beforehand.
- Stress; everyone at some point gets stressed but if you are a couple then you need to deal with the stress together. After all you promised each other, “for better, for worse”. Stress can come from financial problems, loss of a parent, loss of a job, loss of a children and other factors. Being there for each other will make you appreciate each other more and give room for your relationship to grow.
- Communication; lack of communication can lead to misunderstandings and accumulated grievances. You need to communicate with each other openly and communication is a two way street otherwise your marriage will not last long.
- Sex and intimacy; sex is a crucial part of marriage and the source of many marital affairs. Lack of marriage consummation or problems with sexual frequency, the quality of sex and infidelity will pave a way for a divorce. Also you need to ensure emotional and mental intimacy as well as a physical connection.
- Expectations; expecting a lot from your partner could lead to dissatisfaction especially if those expectations are not met. Unrealistic expectations like personality changes or sacrifices are likely to generate problems in a relationship.
- Time; time spent apart and time spent together are equally significant for sustaining a good marriage. However too much time apart without spending quality time with your spouse puts a lot of stress on your relationship. When the time is utilised in a balanced way, it results into harmony and growth.
- Interest; losing interest in your spouse, your marriage and yourself will lead to divorce in the long run. It is important to be genuinely interested in things your partner is passionate about for they will do the same for you. Interest does not stop at your spouse but includes yourself too, you should ensure to not “let yourself go” or focus all your energy on children neglecting your partner. Support and attention are keys to strengthening a marriage.
- You are not the one; sometimes this happens, you wake up one morning and realize that the person you are with is not the one who want to spend the rest of your life with. This sucks and when you do, you should walk away though it should be thought about before plunging into marriage.
- Appreciation; one of the reasons why marriages crumble is because couples stop appreciating each other, they take each other for granted. Simple words like “Thank you”, “Please” or acts like a massage after a long day, sharing a meal together are forgotten.
Marriage is a holy sacrament and should be treasured. If you ever meet the one person you want to spend the rest of your life with, love them , cherish them and with open communication and the willingness to try and meet challenges together, you stand a great chance of spending many happy years together in a world where divorce has a become a daily thing. Maybe Beyoncé and Jay will find their way back to each other and give it another shot.
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