Most women tend to not understand how important it is to the overall health and success of their relationship, that the men in their lives feel successful at making them happy.
To the average man, when his wife, girlfriend or woman he is dating starts complaining or is unhappy, he takes it personally as if it is his fault.
Most women who do not understand men, seem to think that being a pest, nagging or pointing out everything their men do wrong is how to get them to do what they want, or treat them the way they want to be treated.
These women obviously learned the dysfunctional behavior of whining and bitching as the strategy to get men to do what they want, or give them what they wanted.
Over time, men who are constantly emasculated and put down by their women, will withdraw and move away from the relationship.
Take my friend Steve for example; Steve is a hardworking man with a lovely young wife, Emma. Steve has a child from a previous marriage and two children with Emma. Their marriage has been quite happy until recently when, he says, “Emma started behaving strange”
Steve claims it all began when he got a promotion at his work place and had to work extra hours. She seemed okay with it at first as a promotion meant a better life for them all.
About 6 months into the new promotion she began picking fights with him when he got home. From “you are never here “ to “ I make this house a home , what have you done lately ?” and “ It is not my duty to look after your other child like this , where is her mother?”
The complaints and nagging just kept rolling, and Steve buried himself more and more into his work to avoid going home and getting stressed. He would wait till she announced she was off to bed, give it half an hour or so and then leave for home.
Now I would understand if Steve had completely neglected his duties as a husband and parent, but he was present for all his children’s soccer games, ballet recitals, parents days and even took the whole family out on the weekend where they would join my husband and I for picnics or just lunch at a trending restaurant
One afternoon Emma went into a rage when I asked Steve how his promotion was working out for him.
While he answered “Great” she jumped in and said” It may be great, but it keeps him away from us so much and sometimes he is called in to work over the weekend, don’t they have other people to sort these things out I wonder? Why only Steve?
I don’t know who is going to finish fixing the patio, because MISTER here wants to finish it himself but never gets time as he is always called away and my parents are visiting in the summer. They’ll be so horrified to see the patio in its state. “
Steve’s face fell, and we all noticed. I could tell he wanted to say something back but he was holding his tongue. My husband and I exchanged panicked looks and quickly changed the subject, but the whole afternoon after that was awkward.
I thought of speaking to Emma about what her problems were and perhaps telling her that she shouldn’t be as hard on Steve as he was only trying to support her and the kids.
A few weeks later we heard that Steve and Emma had separated because she became too needy nagging and whiny.
We haven’t seen much of Steve since, but we often call him to check up on him and he is completely broken and says he can’t believe that his wife gave up on him and their family.
I had coffee with Emma one afternoon and it came up in conversation that it was Steve that ended the marriage and he said that he felt unloved and emasculated by her.
She went on to say she didn’t even know she was doing it and that he should have said something sooner.” I am a strong woman and didn’t mean to do it “she said. She is very regretful of her behavior,however the damage has been done and she has lost a good man.
I thought about this long and hard and one day before bed, I asked my husband if he thought I was too nagging or insulting sometimes.
Understanding immediately why I had asked the question he answered “You aren’t that type of woman “So what type of woman am I then? Was the first thought that came to mind, and he explained “all women are different.
Yousee,Men crave respect like women desire love some women understand, like you sometimes, and others do not. So don’t compare yourself” (now you know why I married him …!)
All women ARE different but many times during arguments, the words we say have nothing to do with our man’s shortcomings, or past, it has more to do with a lack of self-control and verbal self-discipline.
“You’re cutting the onions too big!” “OMG move!!!Let me do it!! You’re going to ruin the dishwasher!” By insulting a man for not doing things the exact way we would do them, we end up taking on more and more of the responsibility, then find ourselves complaining, murmuring and becoming resentful about the extra work-load our own inability to trust and relax created.
If you want peace, a man who feels good about coming home, and a man who gives the exact respect that you deserve, it’s time to stop insulting your man.
The Critic is very quick to let her man know EXACTLY where and when he is wrong. She believes she is “improving” her man with her direction, control and dominance, but in reality she is hurting him. Until we release control, we interfere with a man’s natural process of growing and learning from his OWN mistakes.
The Criticis the woman who verbally “clips her man’s wings,” and then gets mad when he refuses to fly.
THE CONDESCENDING WIFE:
When your husband is not living under the constant radar of your disapproval, his confidence soars! Unfortunately the Condescending Wife fears just that. Ladies, at the root of all our wounding words, there is one culprit: FEAR.
Whether that deep rooted fear is abandonment, old wounds, unexpressed anger or rage towards men who have hurt us in the past, we must heal and evolve or we will continue to “protect” ourselves by diminishing and speaking in a condescending, prideful way to our men.
If you believe yourself superior in any way to your man, consider this, he is married to YOU. What are your flaws? Ladies, we are not perfect. When we take an inventory of what our men put up with, it allows us to realize that not only do our men deserve respect, but they have more than earned it!
THE CONTROLLING WOMAN:
The controlling woman is afraid her needs won’t be met, so she comes up with false, forceful weapons to get her needs met. When a woman refuses to stop this behavior, she simply pushes herself and her man further into a corner of disconnection.
Doing everything in a relationship does not make us more powerful, it just gives us more to do and we end up exhausted! Learning how to trust another human being requires courage and strength.
It is the woman who loosens her grip of control who has true power. Love does not seek to control. Love accepts. Love relaxes. Love allows.
If you are ready for greater intimacy and connection, and you desire to see your man soar to new levels of his own greatness, affirm him, appreciate him, and yes, RESPECT him!
He deserves nothing less, not because he is a man, but because he is a human being. Ladies, when we vow to honor our men on this level, we honor and expand ourselves. When we respect the men we love, we love and respect ourselves.