Exes

Before I talk about exes, let me tell you how it all started. Today, my colleagues and I, listened to another colleague disclose a dilemma she is currently facing. An old childhood bully, recently sent her a Facebook friend request (after over 20 something years). Our colleague is now wondering whether to accept or ignore it. I mean, the ‘bully’ is now a grown woman, married with children, maybe she has changed. You never know. But then again, we all know a leopard can’t change its spots. Anyway, we advised her to just ignore the request. Why should she say yes? What if the ‘bully’ hasn’t changed and wants to resume her psychological torture?

The interesting bit about the whole discussion was the way my colleague, after all these years, still wanted to get back at this ‘woman’ for all the horror she put her through during their school days. Can you imagine how bad it must have been?

During the moments that followed that discussion, I couldn’t help but think about the sweetness of revenge. Mahn, revenge is sweet!

Use exes for example.

There are those stupid reasons that people give when they are caught cheating or when they just want out. The cliché ones include: insufficient money, mediocre looks, boring personality, fake social life, poor ‘skill’ in bed … blah blah (on the side of the ‘soon to be dumped’ partner). From their point of view, they are right. We all want the best.

But see, you can dump someone because they are bad in bed; then one day they decide to go on a ‘mulondo’ diet and poof … kamastura pro! Or you could dump someone because they are fat or don’t have a sexy-enough-kind-of-body and then they decide to pay ‘Faco’ offices a visit. My point is – some of these ‘break up reasons’ that exes give are simply stupid. They can be worked on. With time. And patience.

But let’s say unfortunately, your ex wasn’t patient enough or had met someone better, so the both of you had to go on with the break up.

Now once in a while, you feel like you want to make that idiot regret breaking up with you? You don’t want to get back with him, you just want him to cry himself to sleep at night over letting you slip through his fingers. Can’t a girl be evil once in a while? Just a lil bit? A little revenge?

Let us see our options:

Option one: We are in the era of social media, you can take advantage. Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat among others. I know you might not be friends with your ex on Facebook, but at least you have mutual friends. No? Okay, but let’s hope one day he makes a mistake of checking out your timeline to see how you are doing. Show time!

Let him find tonnes of photos of you and guys he doesn’t know. All your hot friends, cousins, any male in your life that is good looking, post their photos on your timeline. Just give him (ex) a mystery to figure out. The catch – you can travel places with these male friends, go out with them; have a fun time enjoying your new life (while taking those photos). Remember to play your cards well.You don’t want to catch STDs or get unwanted pregnancies all in the name of making your ex jealous.

Tweet positive things. If he follows you on ‘Twirra’, this is the time you show him you moved on. Usually, he would expect you to be heartbroken, crushed … basically in misery. Even if he is right, we don’t want to give him that satisfaction, do we? So be positive! If you go out for concerts, parties … tweet and show him how you are having such a great time (without him). And don’t even mention him. The goal is to make it seem like … to you, he doesn’t even exist. The catch – staying positive will help you move on faster than burying yourself in self pity.

Option two: Play mind games. Most people like to make their exes jealous by bragging and showing off their new partners; which works … but is a bit ‘old fashion’. If you want him to know that you are totally over him, set him up. This works best if you still hang around with the same people, or maybe still go to same church, school. One time, walk up to him and tell him you met someone he should meet. Set him up, introduce female friends to him and whisper in his ear that they’d make a great couple. The goal is to show him that you know what he has to offer, but you aint buying. But being the goodhearted person you are, you are helping him find another girl to date. The catch- none. Purely evil. (Remember, you don’t want to be seen chasing after random boys or laughing too loud every time your ex comes into the room. Everyone can see right through that, and you’ll just seem desperate.)

Option three: Look hot! Whether he broke up with you because he met a better looking person or not, just look better than you did while with him. Work out, eat healthily, change wardrobe, new hairstyle … just look better! The catch – you’ll feel more confident, sexy and you will increase chances of finding someone new (most probably – an upgrade).

Option four: Ignore him. Oh … this is sweet! If he dumped you, he thinks you still have feelings for him. Maybe you’ll try to talk things out, maybe you’ll go to his place and beg him to take you back. But you are not going to do any of this bullshit (however much you want to). If he’s texted you, tried to call you or messaged you, then he’s back in the picture trying to get your attention. So, to keep the power in your own hands rather than giving the power back to him, ignore the message for a couple of days, weeks or even forever. Un-friend him, un-follow, delete phone number (but write it somewhere in an old book… just in case one day you need it), don’t call him, simply put, cut out communication. The catch – this is one of the most recommended ways of getting over exes.

Best choice: Let it go. The ultimate way to get back at your ex – is to genuinely move on. I mean, you don’t want the idiot back, so why waste your time. Worse, the idiot has probably moved on, so why waste your time still? Instead, however much you want to get back at  him, you can choose to be the best woman you can be, lead a meaningful life and be happy so that he will forever regret dumping you. The catch – do this for yourself. You don’t want to be burned by the same flame twice, do you?

If we are to put ‘evil’ aside, just forgive, pick your lessons from the experience you had with him, and go be a better girlfriend/wife to a better man. It’s the mature thing to do, right?

Sometimes a man’s purpose in a woman’s life is to help her become a better woman … for another man.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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